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le Grand Adventuress
after multiple discussions with my bf about drugs, the differences… 
18th-Jun-2006 03:55 pm
puddle
after multiple discussions with my bf about drugs, the differences between older and newer psychiatric meds, and how they can help a person when used and understood properly... i took my first effexor pill today. he has done tons of research and has a lot of experience with actually solving mental health issues, and i'm convinced he knows more than the doctors who had me on paxil.

of course he also understands my individual situation better. i know it's logical but still hard to grasp for some reason, that so many of my problems are directly related to this. i laughed at the list of symptoms effexor is supposed to treat because it's like a profile of me... not just things i think of as being depression/anxiety like irregular sleeping and eating patterns but difficulty making decisions, mind going blank...

i knew a decent amount about this stuff already, but somehow it's hitting home lately that everything's related and while i've learned to handle a lot of it on my own, there's not much more i can do without help. i know i need a therapist, for the depression/anxiety as well as a certain traumatic event that happened a little over a year and a half ago.

so he's making a point of not pushing me to do anything, but swears that once something starts working correctly for me i'll wonder why i put myself through this for so long. i think one of the reasons it's so difficult for me to realize that it doesn't have to be like this, is that it always has been. i can remember being depressed at four years old. to feel happy for more than a couple days at a time is a completely foreign concept, but this is normal to me.

the thing is that most of the time it's not horrible. i've been diagnosed with dysthymia--"chronic low-grade depression" which means its always there but usually just enough to mess up your life, often not bad enough to make you realize what it is that's messing up your life... occasionally spiralling into more severe depression.

i dunno, but i'm hopeful at the moment. sorry for the depressing post : ).
Comments 
19th-Jun-2006 03:13 am (UTC)
I was dysthymic for years (maybe still am?) but the only medication I ever went on was good old prozac, and technically it was for "pmdd" which meant that it was worse around that time of the month :( I went off it though...I hate, HATE doctors and therapists a lot of the time, I've had too many friends who don't get what they need, and too many stories (and first hand experiences) of medical professionals not knowing what the hell they were doing. So I research the hell out of drugs on my own, because it's all I can really do. I hate the system. Ironically, I just graduated with a psych degree.
9th-Aug-2006 03:49 am (UTC)
sigh. me too, but i'm trying it again, partially because it worked for my bf. i've seen a new psychologist twice and she really seems to know what she's doing, but i'm not sure yet if she's my style. i prefer help with concrete actions rather than talk talk talk about stuff i already logically know, but am just having trouble actually doing/implementing.
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